


I Just Keep On Coming Back To You

by ThatsALotOfLove



Series: I Just Keep On Coming Back To You - Malec [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec-centric, POV Alternating (3rd Person), Spoilers, Spoilers up to and including 2x20, but the others are actually in it, rating for canon typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 02:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11796474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatsALotOfLove/pseuds/ThatsALotOfLove
Summary: Hurt by Magnus' cold behaviour towards him Alec is beginning to doubt that their relationship can be fixed when extenuating circumstances force them to face exactly how much they mean to each other.





	1. Alexander

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of nervous energy because of Malec right now and it needed to go somewhere. This is what I ended up with. It is undeniably very self indulgent, because I am a sucker for hurt/comfort in all its forms. It is mostly canon compliant, though it does diverge somewhat from the previews it was based on. Because of that though it has spoilers for Season 2B, up to and including 2x20 because it does pick up right after the Malec Sneak Peek we got for that and heavily draws from that. I don’t really think this is what is going to happen or that it necessarily should, but I can’t 100% say it won’t, either. 
> 
> The title of the fic and the collection it is in is from Louis Tomlinson’s and Bebe Rexha’s song [ Back to You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HjpL-Ns6_A) which is brilliant, however I wouldn’t generally want to consider to be a Malec song. In the past few episodes it kinda felt more appropriate than I wish it had though.
> 
> This was not meant to be a chaptered fic but it is well into the AM now and words are starting to lose their meaning. I will do some more editing later and the second half should be up before the episode airs. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Alec left Magnus’ building in a daze, heart aching even more than it had before. The worst part was that he knew that he had no one to blame but himself. He had allowed himself to hope that Magnus’ uncharacteristically cold behaviour during the meeting with the Queen had been nothing but a part of whatever agreement they had come to. Had allowed himself to believe that the Queen’s betrayal would free Magnus from his obligation to her and dissolve the cold and indifferent mask he had been wearing.

And Alec had clung to that hope, even after Magnus tried to close the door in his face.

He had not let himself be deterred when Magnus addressed him as “ _Shadowhunter_ ” as if that was all he was.

His optimism had lasted right up until Magnus had revealed that he had already known about the Queen's decision.

Now it was gone and he kept trying to make himself believe that it was alright, that he should have known better, but it was hard. Alec was no stranger to disappointed hopes and harsh dismissals of course, after all his very presence was a thorn in the eye of many members of the Clave, even within his own institute, but he could look past that easily. Even the way his parents had reacted after he had kissed Magnus at his wedding had not affected him this much. Acknowledging the reason for that did not help him feel better about himself or his situation.

While he had been prepared for the trouble within the ranks of his people, if he was honest he had never expected Magnus to not forgive him. While he had already lost much of his respect for his parents due to their past and present actions by the time they shunned him he had never expected anything but the best from Magnus. He was beginning to see that that wasn’t fair, especially when he himself struggled to even find the best version of himself, but it did not erase the pain he was feeling.

Somehow in the time they had known each other Magnus had become his anchor through every storm, his compass when times became too dark for him to see the right path. When he had lost his faith in his parents, when Jace had abandoned him for Clary, even when Isabelle had begun to push him away because of her addiction it had been Magnus who had been a steady and unfailing presence by his side. Who had quickly become the safe haven for him to flee to when things became too much, like after Jocelyn’s death.

And he had tried so hard to be worthy of this incredible gift that Magnus had given him. Had forced himself to stay and talk about his feelings, had acknowledged his faults and apologised for his mistakes, though he couldn’t seem to stop making them. It also wasn’t a hardship for him to be there for Magnus in return in any ways the warlock would let him, to make sure he knew that there was “ _nothing ugly about him_ ” because Magnus had never needed to hear anything but the truth. But now being at odds with Magnus without the warlock being his usual gracious, forgiving self was a difficult thing for him to adjust to when he had come to rely so much on Magnus being his safety net.

Alec knew, of course, without a doubt that Magnus had in no way been obligated to forgive him for every one of his mistakes, but he always had before. What he didn’t understand was how things had changed between them so suddenly. When he had returned to Magnus’ door shortly after their fight to plead for his help after Max had been attacked he had known he was on thin ice, but Magnus had barely even hesitated. Alec’s apology back then had been heartfelt, but though it hurt he could easily accept that it was insufficient to make up for his misstep with the Soul Sword.

But even as Magnus walked away from him Alec did not doubt that they loved each other.

Now he found he was no longer all that sure.

_“How did this happen to us?”_

That question plagued him well into the early hours of the morning, occupying his mind every second that he didn’t manage to find something else to think about. He had not had a chance to tell Magnus where the rift even was during their conversation, but he figured he would send the warlock a fire message when they were ready to move out. For the first time in a long time he was not looking forward to seeing Magnus even a little bit. In fact he dreaded it so much, that he asked Clary several times whether she really couldn’t simply find a Rune to close the rift herself.

“Are you absolutely sure that you...?”

“Alec. Listen I am sorry, but I tried. There’s nothing I can do.”

Alec sighed, crumpling the prepared fire message in his clenched fist.

“Sorry.” he apologised, contrite.

He briefly considered simply leaving the mission up to Isabelle, Jace and Clary, but he could not bring himself to do that. They might well be able to handle themselves just fine, but as a leader, and more importantly, a parabatai and brother, he could not bring himself to let his people go into an uncertain battle alone. Even to his own detriment. He had already ordered all non-essential personnel to remain inside the institute at all times. He told them that it was in case of an unexpected attack.

It wasn’t exactly a lie.

In part, it was also because he wanted to keep his people safe from the many people out for Shadowhunter blood. But if he had to be fully honest, mostly it was because he wanted to make sure that as few people as possible learned of the full extent of their current troubles. So long as the Clave remained mostly oblivious to the decisions of the Downworld leaders the Accords could still be protected. With the werewolves and the vampires distancing themselves from the Seelie Queen Alec did not want to risk them becoming collateral damage. He also wanted to protect the warlocks if he could and not _just_ for Magnus’ sake either. He had used Luke’s information about the barrier that had been erected around the city to portray the situation as a collaborative attempt at keeping Valentine and Jonathan from escaping. He had no wish for it to come out that the warlocks had erected the barrier at the Queen’s behest, without caring about possible consequences for the Shadowhunters of the New York Institute.

Alec himself might be inclined to be sympathetic, but the Clave certainly wouldn’t be.

He sighed and sent the fire message.

“I informed Magnus of the coordinates and our ETA.” he then said “Everyone ready?”

They nodded, and Alec felt a hollow ache in his chest that was in no way related to Magnus for a change.

Not too long ago things had seemed to be looking up in the Shadow World. Downworlders and Shadowhunters had begun a fairly open line of communication, Valentine had been captured and things with the Clave had been mostly quiet. Now they could not risk informing the Clave of what was happening for fear of them making things much worse, Valentine and the Seelies had formed a deadly alliance, the vampires had gone underground, the werewolves were fighting their own battles, demons were running rampant in the city and their standing with the warlocks was completely up in the air.

Even with Jace and Clary’s special powers, Isabelle’s talents and whatever he himself could bring to the table, this might be beyond their abilities. Alec could not help but wonder how they could possibly expect to win a war when they couldn’t even figure out where to begin the fight. The four of them were undoubtedly a force to be reckoned with, but more often than not their biggest strength had been their ability to look past old prejudices and secure the loyalty of their allies. Without that advantage Alec could not see a way for them to hold back this sudden onslaught without taking the chance that something would break.

Or someone.

Looking at the faces in front of him, his sister who he had loved ever since he had first laid eyes on her, his parabatai who was a part of him in a way no one else would ever be and the obnoxious redhead who had somehow managed to become one of his most trusted friends, Alec couldn’t help but hope that he would be able to keep them safe.

xxXxxXxxXxx

They arrived at the site of the rift a few minutes earlier than they had initially expected, and managed to slay two more of the flying demons, Alec shooting them out of the sky and the other three taking care of their spawns, before a portal opened to reveal Magnus, dressed as impeccably as always. He did not give them a chance to as much as utter a greeting before he turned towards the rift.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

Alec could feel three pairs of eyes burning holes into his skull, but he couldn’t bear to look at them.

“Of course. Do you require assistance?”

He hoped that keeping up a professional facade would make things easier. When Magnus finally turned to look at him with an unreadable look in his dark eyes, it immediately became obvious that it was in vain. He settled for hoping that realisation didn’t show on his face instead. Magnus gave no indication of noticing either way.

“Fixing this rift will take a lot of concentration and power, so I will be essentially blind as I do it. If anything comes through I won’t be able to stop it. If I get interrupted during the process, I will have to start from the top, and I cannot promise I will have enough energy to do that. It is in your best interest to cover me. Think you can do that _Shadowhunter_?”

“Of course.” Alec replied, words like shards of broken glass in his throat.

“Good.” Magnus acknowledged with a nod before turning away and beginning his incantation.

Alec could feel a tendril of worry from Jace, but he didn’t really need their bond to know what Jace and the girls were feeling. He forced his expression to remain neutral as he turned to them. He wrapped himself in his role as their leader like a cloak, hoping it would ward off any questions he was not ready to answer.

“I will pick off any flying demons before they get a chance to blast us. Isabelle, I need you to try and use your whip to immobilise as many of their spawn as you can, Jace, you will take them down. Clary, you will cover Magnus.” Isabelle and Jace nodded in acknowledgement, but Clary opened her mouth as if to protest. “Magnus is our most important asset right now, without him we will not be able to close the rift. We can also not afford to allow the leader of one of the Downworld factions to get injured while working with us. Use your sunlight rune, your blade or anything else you can come up with to Keep. Him. Safe. I will stay as close as I can, but I have the only long range weapon so I have to be the first line of defence. Your special abilities have to be the last. Understood?”

He did not bother to keep his voice steady as he spoke. He knew Clary well enough by now to know that she was far more likely to follow any order, no matter how rational it was, if there was an emotional incentive. If the only reason she would agree to stay put was thinking she was doing him a favour then so be it. It wasn’t like it was entirely false anyway.

After a moment of hesitation, the redhead nodded.

“Understood.”

xxXxxXxxXxx

For a while, things were going quite well. Every now and then a lone demon would find its way through the rift, and get struck by an arrow as soon as it had cleared the airspace above Magnus and Clary. Jace and Isabelle made quick work of their spawns for the most part, of the five demons Alec had shot down so far he had only had to send a second arrow once when one of the smaller beasts threatened to jump Isabelle while she was wrestling with one of its brethren. Clary kept a watchful eye on the proceedings, but she had heeded his warnings and did not leave Magnus’ side even once.

Unaware of everything going on around him Magnus was casting his spell, slowly but surely closing up the rift. Things were going surprisingly well. Almost too well, Alec thought, unable to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. A quick look exchanged with his parabatai told him that he was not the only one feeling distinctly pessimistic about their chances of getting away this easily. Almost as soon as they had finished that thought the rift pulsed with a burst of demonic energy that flattened all four of the Nephilim.

Magnus alone remained standing, still seemingly oblivious to his surroundings.

Alec scrambled to his feet, eyes locked on Magnus, gratified to see that Clary, too, had regained her footing and was holding her position. That moment of positivity did not last very long however, because almost as if the burst of energy had been a warning to the creatures within that the rift was about to close, what had previously been a slow trickle of demons turned into a veritable storms of winged creatures, their numbers large enough to darken the sky above them.

Alec felt more than he heard the string of expletives Jace released at the sight.

Clary’s distressed shout of “Alec?!” was answered with a stern “Cover Magnus!” that brooked no arguments.

They had to find a way to contain the beasts before they turned on the city, but putting them all onto the ground would lead to untold carnage.

“Alec do it!” Isabelle yelled, and fully aware of the possible consequences, Alec began to shoot down as many of the demons as he could as quickly as possible.

With the fight now coming to them, Clary soon had her hands full in fighting off any demons approaching her and Magnus, though the effects of her Sunlight Rune seemed to deter the demons at least somewhat. Jace and Isabelle were a storm of blades and electrum, almost dancing around each other as they slaughtered every one of the downed demons that came within their reach. But with the others fully occupied, there was no one to watch Alec’s back, which he was painfully reminded of when one of the spawns jumped onto his back, claws digging into his chest as it buried its teeth in his neck.

He managed to fend it off using his bow and put an arrow through its head before pulling it back out and shooting it right into the side of one of the remaining flying demons. He did not have time to check over his injuries however, because the demons just kept coming. It was an exhausting battle that felt like it went on forever, even though it had certainly taken no more than 30 minutes, perhaps even less than that. By the time the rift finally began to flicker and fade under Magnus’ powerful incantations, the area surrounding them certainly looked like the site of a much longer battle. The ground was slick with the remains of the slain demons, and Alec could feel his sweat and blood soaked clothes clinging to him like a second skin.

A quick look around told him that the others weren’t faring much better.

Jace’s shirt was hanging off him in shreds that revealed bloody gashes underneath, not deep, but certainly painful. Isabelle was favouring her left leg and using her whip, now in form of a staff, more as a crutch than a weapon. Alec would not be surprised to find that her tight black trousers hid a mangled mess of swellings and bruises. Clary looked to be the least affected, at least physically, but a strand of her hair was sticking to a bloody scratch on her cheek and she looked just about ready to faint, the intensive usage of her special angelic powers clearly taking a toll on her.

And then faint she did.

Alec watched as Clary pitched forward, Stele falling from her grasp as she hit the ground. He did not need his parabatai bond to know that Jace was already racing towards her, own injuries forgotten in his worry for the small redhead. With the pain of being in Magnus’ presence no longer buried under the need to focus to survive, Alec found he could not reprimand the blond for it. Almost welcoming the physical pain he was beginning to feel as the adrenaline wore off as a distraction, Alec slowly began to make his way towards the rift, aware that Isabelle, too was abandoning her post to close their ranks now that the danger seemed to be over.

They really should have known better.

As the rift gave its final shudder and their realm was sealed once again, a final pair of flying demons managed to rush through: one of the largest they had seen so far and a much smaller one that was flying in the shadow of its larger companion. Alec managed to shoot the smaller one out of the sky before it could even orient itself in their reality, and Jace and Isabelle had no problem with taking out the spawns that essentially dropped at their feet. Even in the state they were in, they still managed to kill them both before they even recovered from the disorientation of hitting the ground.

In that moment Magnus came back to himself and blinked slowly as he turned to take in the absolute carnage that had taken place around him. He found Jace crouched, one arm around Clary, a sword in the other hand, Isabelle sat on the ground, her staff across her knees, the bloodied remains of two small demons before them. Even from the distance, Alec could see the way the warlock’s eyes widened when he realised that there was only three Shadowhunters around him, and the brief unguarded moment of worry on Magnus’ face as he frantically searched for Alec until their eyes met was enough to make Alec’s heart stop, then start again at twice its normal pace.

Unfortunately however, it was also enough to distract him from the massive demon still at large.

Unlike the others, this one had not even tried to escape. Instead it had turned back as soon as it had noticed that the smaller demon had been slain, and with a furious screech, it was diving towards Alec, shooting streams of fire in his direction as it did. Alec was frozen for another moment, but Isabelle and Jace called out for him as one and finally he started running towards them. There was no time for him to turn and shoot the demon out of the sky, not while it was busy attacking him.

Before he could even mentally work out the logistics of how the three of them would find a moment of peace to position themselves in a way that would allow them to take down the demon, another blast made him stumble. He managed to stay on his feet, but barely. Then suddenly, a much larger ball of energy barrelled past him in the opposite direction. The explosion that followed the blast striking the demon threw Alec off his feet. Unfortunately while the larger demon was taken care of, the same could not be said for the smaller creatures that spawned whenever one of the flying beasts was obliterated.

Alec had hit the ground hard, but he had shaken it off fairly quickly.

It wasn’t quick enough.

He managed to stab the first of the spawns right through the centre of its chest with the arrow he had been holding, and defend himself against the attack of the second one with his bow, but the third one crashed into him, claws tore through his skin like wet paper, sinking deep into his chest. Alec barely had time to feel the pain before his vision started to fade. As darkness claimed him, he thought that he heard...

_“Alexander...!”_


	2. You're Still The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus' side leading up to the demon attack and the aftermath of what happened to Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I said I was gonna post this before the episode I didn't think I'd be cutting it this close but here it is. Thank you for everyone who has read the first chapter and for those who enjoyed it I hope you like this too. 
> 
> Just like the first chapter: Warning for spoilers for 2x20. Proceed with caution. 
> 
> Title of the chapter is from [ This Song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNZH-emehxA) because I am secretly sappy as hell. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Magnus didn’t know what he was doing anymore.

 

He had been furious at Alec after he had lied, but his uncontrollable rage had burned itself out rather quickly. The feeling of betrayal that stayed behind slowly faded while they were waiting to see whether Max would live. Afterwards he had wanted to accept the Shadowhunter’s apology, but reality had caught up to them by then. With a war on their doorstep their relationship was a liability more than anything, and one neither of them could afford.

 

He had not been happy to ally himself with the Seelie Queen, but with her claims that her realm could protect his people from the wrath of the angels he had not seen another choice. Talking Luke and Raphael into joining had been even harder, because both of them had more than one reason to not want to risk war with the Clave. Once the decision was made, Magnus knew that he could not allow himself to think about his feelings for his young Shadowhunter, because if he looked at their situation in any other than the cold, clinically analytical way, he knew he could never do what he needed to do.

 

And so he drank, ignored Alec and aided his people in erecting a barrier that would kill any Nephilim trying to cross it.

 

He did not inform the Clave, but he let the other Downworld leaders know. He resolutely refused to care about the potential consequences this action could have for his...for the Shadowhunters of the New York institute. More privately, he comforted himself with the knowledge that Luke, perhaps even Raphael (his boy had certainly taken a shine to Isabelle Lightwood) would warn the Shadowhunters of the danger, Queen’s orders be damned.

 

The Queen’s betrayal came as a shock to him, but not as a surprise.

 

When Alec had appeared at his door soon after Magnus knew he was in too deep to turn back now. The situation was, is possible, even more precarious than it had been before the Queen had sided with Valentine. If he gave in to his emotions now, he would fold back into his relationship with the younger man and nothing would change. Love, no matter how strong, wasn’t always enough when all the odds were stacked against it. Their personal relationship had already affected their professional one too much in some ways, yet somehow at the same time not enough in others. He didn’t doubt Alec’s love for him, not really and his own had never even been in question at least in his own mind, but what Magnus and Alexander felt did not fix the rift between what Alec Lightwood, Head of the New York institute and Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn stood for. If they were to declare their loyalty to each other above everything else, then they would have to go all the way, no holds barred, and then find a way to use it for their people’s benefit.

 

So long as they could both only bring themselves to commit part-way out of fear what it could mean to their people, to the Accords, the Downworld even, it was best to not commit at all.

 

But even knowing that Magnus could not bring himself fully turn Alec away.  

 

He justified his decision to himself by arguing that the demons truly were a threat to everyone, not just Shadowhunters and mundanes. It was the truth after all. If that truth paled in comparison to his wish to find ways to help his favourite Nephilim even while they were essentially at war, then no one but himself had to know.

 

By the time the fire message with the details of their mission had finally come Magnus had been waiting on his balcony in a carefully selected outfit for quite a while. He slipped the note into one of his many pockets and went to look at the incantations he would need to recite to close the rift one more time, committing them to memory.

 

When he had stepped through the portal near the location of the rift his eyes had immediately been drawn to the tallest of the four Shadowhunters. It was clear that they had been fighting something, but Magnus refused to feel worried. That was what Shadowhunters were here for after all. And he, a High Warlock, was here to assist them in eliminating a threat to their entire realm, nothing more, nothing less.

 

He turned away.

 

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

 

Thankfully it seemed that Alec was willing to go with the program.

 

“Of course. Do you require assistance?”

 

Magnus had turned back around to face Alec before he even fully realised it, taking a long look at the oldest Shadowhunter with narrowed eyes. He in no way felt anything about the way Alec was clearly struggling with keeping up his professional facade. Not at all. He simply appreciated the effort, as even a brief glance over at the remaining three Shadowhunters was enough to tell that they did not share their leader’s determination. Magnus made no move to acknowledge either.

 

“Fixing this rift will take a lot of concentration and power, so I will be essentially blind as I do it. If anything comes through I won’t be able to stop it. If I get interrupted during the process, I will have to start from the top, and I cannot promise I will have enough energy to do that. It is in your best interest to cover me. Think you can do that Shadowhunter?”

 

It was the truth, too. Maintaining an effective shield around himself while also attempting to focus on weaving the complicated and delicate magic required to properly seal rather than just plug a rift of that size would be incredibly hard. He did not doubt that he could do it, he did not achieve his position as High Warlock by his charm alone, but it would drag the process out unnecessarily. Nevertheless this was a lot of trust to put into someone who had betrayed you not too long ago.

 

“Of course.” Alec replied, and Magnus believed him. In the end, that had never really been the issue between them.

 

“Good.” he acknowledged with a nod before turning away and beginning his incantation.

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

When he came back to, Magnus first became aware of the smell of decay heavy in the air. He blinked to clear his vision and slowly turned around. Not too far from him he found Jace crouched, one arm around Clary, who was unconscious, a sword in his other hand, Isabelle sat on the ground, her staff across her knees, the bloodied remains of two small demons before them. All three of them looked roughed up, but Magnus could not spare them much more than a passing worried thought, because as he became more and more aware of the carnage around him, it was what he didn’t see that really caught his attention.

 

Where was...?

 

Before he could even finish his panicked train of thought, warm hazel eyes found his own. The relief he felt at finding Alec on his feet and reasonably unharmed was nearly enough to help the exhaustion tugging at him overpower him and knock him clean off his feet. It didn’t last very long however. The moment of relative peace was shattered by the furious screech of a massive winged creature that seemed scarily determined to rain all of its fiery rage down on Alec.

 

Quite literally as it turned out.

 

Struggling with the tattered remains of his forced indifference Magnus did not hear what finally made Alec start running towards them. He also did not spare even a moment to consider the implications of the two Shadowhunters awake by his side struggling to their feet, bracing for impact without even looking at him for help. But when one of the demon’s attacks made Alec stumble, all Magnus could see was the young Shadowhunter screaming in agony as he was engulfed by flames. It did not matter that Alec managed to stay on his feet, because Magnus’ magic reacted to his panic before his mind could even begin an attempt at talking him out of it.

 

A not inconsiderable ball of energy was flung towards the threat, obliterating it thoroughly.

 

The amount power Magnus had put into the blast was enough to create a shockwave that reached him where he stood. As such it was no surprise that it knocked Alec clean off his feet. What was a surprise however, were the three smaller demons emerging from the remains of the winged beast and descending on the Shadowhunter without mercy. Magnus felt as if his blood was frozen in his veins when he watched Alec stab one of them with an arrow and bring his bow up protectively between his throat and the teeth and claws of the second one.

 

There was nothing stopping the third however.

 

Magnus could only watch in horror as it ripped into Alec’s chest.

 

He was running before he even realised it, making quick work of dispatching the final two demons. He dropped to his knees, next to the fallen Shadowhunter, healing magic flaring up around his hands in bright blue sparks, looking for any sign of life to latch onto.

 

He did not notice that he was chanting “Alexander” like a prayer until his voice cracked in his throat when his magic managed to wrap around the tiniest tendril of life in the Shadowhunter’s body. Uncaring of the amount of energy he poured into his attempts at healing, Magnus latched onto the sign of life with everything he had and then pushed all of his magic towards it.

 

He poured all of his power into the steady stream of healing magic, until finally the tiny tendril of life, while still fragile, was once again steady, no longer threatening to fade.

 

Then he promptly passed out.

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

  

Alec woke, instantly alert, all of his senses taking in his surroundings and trying to determine where he was even before he opened his eyes. From what he could determine by the smell of disinfectant and the quiet noises audible in the distance, he was in the institute infirmary. The pulsating aches spreading across his entire body as he shifted slightly seemed to support that assumption. He slowly opened his eyes, then closed them again with a pained groan. Now aware of the bright light in the room Alec blinked slowly, allowing himself time to adjust.

 

When he finally managed to open his eyes without wincing he found his initial assumption confirmed. He was in the institute infirmary. It took him a moment to remember how he had gotten here, but when he did he jerked off the bed into a sitting position in a move that he regretted immediately. His entire chest felt like it was burning up from the inside out. A glance down revealed a ton of bandages, most of them white and pristine, but a few showing signs of blood trickling through, either from before or because he had aggravated his injuries when getting up.

 

Right.

 

The demons.

 

He was more surprised to be alive and reasonably mobile than he felt he probably should be. But the last thing he could remember before losing consciousness was hearing Magnus’ voice calling out for him. It had all happened too quickly for Alec to even contemplate the fact that he did not want to die. Or to be scared of the fact that he actually might. Instead of the fear and regret he might have felt had he had more time to think, all Alec could remember was hearing Magnus calling him “Alexander” and the feeling of warmth that spread through him at the sound.

 

Alec supposed that if he’d had to die right then, there would have been worse ways to go.

 

He was still glad that he hadn’t though.

 

Even more so when he turned his head towards the second bed in the room, and realised that it housed no other than the warlock who had just been occupying his thoughts. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with him at least superficially and Alec released a long breath. If he was in the infirmary and so was Magnus, but no one else was in here with them, that meant that Isabelle’s leg had been easy enough to sufficiently heal with iratzes and Clary had regained consciousness without complications.

 

Jace, too, was alright, as a quick prod at their bond confirmed.

 

Intent on checking on Magnus and then heading off to find the others, Alec slowly swung one leg over the side of the bed, then the other, trying to not jostle his chest too much. Just as he moved to stand, the door opened with enough force to hit the wall with a bang. Instead of looking towards the source of the noise however, Alec’s eyes first flickered over to where Magnus was thankfully still sleeping soundly. He sighed, feeling a swell of fondness well up in his chest.

 

“Hi Jace.” he greeted without even turning around, feeling fond exasperation flood their bond in return.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“I was just going to check on Magnus.” Alec protested lamely.

 

“And...?”

 

“And then head to the op centre to see how everyone is doing.” he admitted easily, turning away from Magnus to face Jace.

 

“What am I gonna do with you?”

 

Alec laughed.

 

“Probably nothing seeing as you don’t really have a leg to stand on here?”

 

And just like that Jace’s stern expression cracked, making way for a grin.

 

“You’re lucky it wasn’t Isabelle who caught you, she would have had your head.”

 

“Don’t I know it.”

 

Though it felt good to share a laugh with Jace on an emotional level, Alec couldn’t quite deny the physical pain resulting from it, and it was clear Jace caught on to it when his amused expression bled into a concerned frown.

 

“I’m good.” Alec insisted, but he still walked over to one of the chairs next to Magnus’ bed and sank down into it carefully “What happened to him?”

 

Jace sighed, coming inside fully and closing the door behind him, leaning against it.

 

“How much do you remember?”

 

“Magnus stopped the flying demon from incinerating me. We both fell. I didn’t get up in time to avoid the spawns hitting me...” Alec recounted, trailing off uncertainly with a brief look towards Magnus. The warlock didn’t move. “I thought I heard Magnus calling for me?”

 

Jace’s face was grave when he nodded.

 

“When that thing attacked you, I went down, taking Clary with me. The pain in our Rune...I don’t think I felt anything like that before...ever. I could tell you were going. Isabelle was doing her best to get to you, but you remember her leg was banged up. The first person to get to you was...” he fell silent, looking at the still figure on the bed. “Magnus blasted the remaining demons off you without hesitation. Before his knees even hit the ground next to you I could already feel the effects of his healing magic through our Bond. I couldn’t tell you what exactly it was that he did, but it felt like he literally dragged you back from the brink of death. I don’t know how he knew when to stop or whether he simply kept going until he couldn’t anymore, maybe it was a little bit of both. But the moment the Rune stopped burning, Magnus just...passed out. Right on top of you, too.”

 

Alec’s eyes flickered over the shirt Magnus was wearing, then back to Jace questioningly.

 

“We took off his jacket. It probably wouldn’t have been all that comfortable to sleep in anyway, but it was also coated in your blood and we didn’t think either of you would appreciate to wake up to that.”

 

Alec nodded his thanks even as he felt a pang of guilt. Magnus had only been out there in the first place because he had asked him to come. The warlock had tried to distance himself from them, but Alec had pulled him right back in anyway. Once again Magnus had helped them, and once again he was paying the price for it. Over a rising wave of nausea, Alec couldn’t help but think that he couldn’t really blame Magnus for trying to get away.

 

Clearly alarmed by the sudden change in emotion he was feeling through their bond, Jace began to speak:

 

“Alec....”

 

Alec waved him off.

 

“Has anyone contacted his people? We need to let them know he’s...safe.” the word did not ring as true as he wished it did “...at the institute.” he amended. “They can probably help him better than we can.”

 

“We actually spoke to a woman named Catarina...”

 

Alec nodded once in recognition.

 

“...and she told us that Magnus is simply suffering from magical exhaustion and will be absolutely fine after a good night’s rest.”

 

“Alright...”

 

“Alec listen...”

 

They began simultaneously, but before they could continue their conversation the lines of white light along the ceiling began to flash red and they both fell quiet, concentrating on the pattern.

 

“Red alert.” Jace muttered somewhat superfluously

 

“Perimeter breach.” Alec added after counting the flashes “All available personnel to Idris. Everyone else, gear up. Brace for impact.”

 

Jace cursed under his breath, throwing a worried look at Alec.

 

“Go.” the older Shadowhunter urged “I’ll be right behind you. But I can’t just leave him.”

 

Already one hand on the doorknob, Jace nodded in understanding.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Jace.” Alec called out before the blond could leave through the door. “Watch your back, alright?”  

 

Jace looked back with an approximation of his usual smug grin.

 

“You too.”

 

And then he was gone and Alec sank into his chair a little more heavily. He knew he could not hide away in this room during an emergency, not when he was awake. Whether they liked it or not, the Shadowhunters of the New York institute were still his people and he couldn’t just abandon them, but the thought of leaving Magnus vulnerable was equally unbearable. With Jace gone and Clary undoubtedly right behind him there was only one thing Alec could do. He got up and slowly walked over to his side of the room, grabbing his phone and pressing a number on the speed dial.

 

“Hel...Yeah I’m awake. I need your help.”

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

When Magnus woke up, his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool, which stood in stark contrast with the fact that his limbs felt like they were filled with lead. He let out a quiet groan and opened his eyes, blinking rapidly against the stinging brightness that was making his eyes water. It did not take him very long to realise that he was in the institute’s infirmary. Before he could finish wondering why, memories slammed back into him and he shot up with a gasp of “Alexander!” heart pounding heavily.

 

“He’s fine.” a familiar voice told him “He didn’t want to leave, but he had to.”

 

As the voice spoke, Magnus became aware of the red light flashing above them. He had no idea what the pattern meant, but he knew that a red light indicated need for immediate action and high alert. His first concerns addressed he turned towards the Lightwood sibling sitting on a chair next to his bed, dressed in full black Shadowhunter gear, Stele in hand.

 

He had a lot of questions.

 

“What...why?” was what he settled on.

 

Max Lightwood’s eyes were lit up with amusement at his obvious struggle with words, but his expression wasn’t unkind.

 

“Alec needed Isabelle out there with him, but he wasn’t gonna just leave you unprotected in the institute. Not with how things have been recently.” the young Nephilim spoke, a weight to his words that betrayed the toll his recent experiences had taken on him “He gave me his Stele, see?”

 

And Magnus did see, but he didn’t understand until he remembered a time what felt like eons ago when he had needed Alec’s Stele to help get to the Mortal Cup. Max clearly noticed his eyes lighting up with recognition.

 

“Alec used locking Runes outside the door, then passed his Stele to me underneath it. I used locking runes on the inside, then passed mine through to him. No one can unlock the door without access to both Steles, at least not easily.”

 

Magnus was quiet for a moment as he let that sink in.

 

Clearly unsettled by his silence, Max quickly continued:

 

“But Alec promised that the second Stele would not leave the institute. He said to tell you that you can leave whenever you want. If he had to leave for Idris, he would have left the Stele with Isabelle. Or Mum.”

 

Magnus wondered idly what Alec and Max had talked about while he was asleep for the young lad to suddenly be this nervous around him.

 

“He didn’t want you to feel like you were trapped. But...he wanted to keep you safe. And...of course he wasn’t trying to keep you in the dark.” It almost sounded like Max was reciting items off a list “Your people have been informed of your condition and where to reach you. It was...I think he said...Catarina? Who said it would be alright for you to just rest here. Otherwise Alec would have arranged an escort to get you safely back to your loft.”  

 

‘Ah.’ Magnus thought, understanding.

 

“Ah.” He said simply “Well, thank you for keeping me safe, young Shadowhunter...”

 

He meant it, too.

 

“But how about we call your brother to let him know we are ready to help?”

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

The op-centre was a mess when they arrived, flashing screens, groups of Shadowhunters hurrying in to get their orders, then out to fulfil them, others checking, repairing and preparing gear, some monitoring specific sectors of the screens for any sign of trouble. When Maryse had been the one to release him and Max from the room in the infirmary, Magnus had been disappointed, but seeing this now, he understood. Because in the middle of it all, stood Alec Lightwood, showing no outward sign of the severe injuries he had suffered as he calmly guided his people through this emergency. He was a bastion of calm in the storm, even after the ordeal he had just been through. And yet Magnus knew from Maryse that Alec had not left his side until he was sure he was safe. It was enough to give Magnus pause. He had been so sure that if he and Alec were to work, all or nothing was the only way to go when it came to balancing their personal and private lives.

 

But perhaps it didn’t have to be like that. Perhaps they could compromise and slowly work towards a common goal instead. Try to make it work without. Try to forge a new way instead of attempting to unite the old. It would take much more effort of course, but as Magnus had once said: He was “ _all for effort_ ”. Especially if it was for a worthy cause. And looking at Alec right now with all that in mind, he knew that this would be.

 

He took Magnus’ breath away.

 

Even more so when hazel eyes met his own as he approached, holding out Alec’s Stele to him with a heartfelt “Thank you.”

 

Alec’s expression became inscrutable.

 

“No. Thank you.” He replied seriously. “You went above and beyond for us. Again. Magnus I...we.” he cut himself off, clearly frustrated. “We owe you. If you ever need anything. Don’t hesitate to ask.”

 

Magnus could only nod.

 

He wanted to reach out, assure himself that he had really succeeded in saving his Shadowhunter. But now that he actually wanted to cross the chasm that had opened between them, he found that he didn’t know how to do it.

 

When no further answer was forthcoming, Alec continued.

 

“You should go.” he said, not unkindly. “The institute isn’t safe. Luke...I think Luke has sort of become the go-between for Shadowhunter and Downworlder relations. If anything happens, he’ll let you know.”

 

Magnus could not deny that Lucian was uniquely qualified for the role of mediator, not only because of his background, but also because of his general temperament, but the statement still didn’t sit right with him. It sounded too much like a farewell. After what they had just been through he knew that that was one thing he could not take.

 

“No.” he said with finality, not wavering at the shock evident on Alec’s face. “I don’t think so.”

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

For a brief moment after Magnus spoke, Alec’s whole world seemed to screech to a halt. But he refused to break down. He had been willing to fight _for_ Magnus, to fight for them, but in his zealousness had not realised that somehow, Magnus had ended up being the one he was fighting _against_ instead. He couldn’t keep doing that. As much as it was breaking his heart, Magnus deserved someone who would put him first for a change. Unconditionally. So if Magnus felt that what was best for him was leaving, then Alec would not stop him. He would rather them not have a relationship at all than for Magnus to be stuck in one that hurt him.

 

But as he lowered his head in the approximation of a nod, even though to him it felt more like the weight of the world settling onto his back once again, Magnus reached for his hand.

 

Alec looked up.

 

“Surely I don’t need to hear from a mediator if the head of the New York institute has me on speed dial?”

 

It was a weak echo of Magnus’ usual humour, but it was enough for Alec to be unable to contain the smile that spread on his face upon hearing it. Magnus answered with a smile on his own.

 

“And now...” Magnus turned away, dropping his hand, but remaining close enough that Alec could imagine that he could feel Magnus’ warmth through his clothes as the warlock looked around for a place for them to start.

 

This time when Magnus called him “ _Shadowhunter”_ while offering his help, it was all Alec could do not to laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. That's that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> This is just one interpretation of things that Alec and Magnus might need to work through for their relationship to work and I in no way want to claim they're the right ones, much less the only ones. But I hope it made sense inside this story at least. 
> 
> There are of course more conversations to be had, but with what I believe will happen in the finale, I think that this isn't the time and the place to have them. I do have some ideas for a sort of...wrap up scene between Magnus and Alec after the storm dies down a bit, but what I wanted to do with this fic was just find a way for Alec and Magnus to realise again how far they are really willing to go for each other. 
> 
> As such this is complete.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading. 
> 
> If you read this before the episode: Good luck. If not: Hope you're still breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok listen I know that there are a lot of people with a lot of rational arguments for the fact that Malec can’t possibly make up in the finale, because they have a lot of shit to work through and I can absolutely see their point. But for me personally I really want them to make up. Just like...apologise and COMMUNICATE and then in season 3 they can work towards actually putting the things they have learned in motion? It is definitely wishful thinking, but I just...need something to cling to in the coming months.
> 
> As I said this is mostly self indulgent but maybe there's some people out there who enjoy similar tropes as I do. If you did enjoy it, I'm glad.
> 
> Also yes I didn't bother giving the demons a name and I also called the things that seem to spawn when you shoot one _spawns_ which isn't very clever but I think it does the job. 
> 
> ((SIDE NOTE FOR REFERENCE:  
> One more thing that I feel is probably important: In this fic there are no reliable narrators. Because it is written mostly from Alec's (and in small parts from Magnus') perspective instead of the perspective of an omniscient and/or outside narrator reality as it is presented cannot just be considered fact. While there is no meta level in this story and they are not intentionally misleading the readers, their reality is highly subjective. It is coloured by their feelings and affected by the somewhat limited amount of information they have access to. This is particularly important now that their views of reality seem at odds with each other.))


End file.
